Dear Muslim Men, 

 

Dear Muslim Men,

You keep asking me why I’m not married yet.  The truth is,  there are a plethora of reasons.   What it really comes down to though is the men I meet behave more like boys than they do men.   So what can you do to win my heart?   Here are a couple of things:

1. Chase me.

Yes,  you heard me right.  I don’t approach men, I am approaced.  You see, I’m old school like that. So if you’re expecting me to come to you,  it’s not going to happen.  Befriending me is only going to get you in my friend zone.   And if you don’t step up and say anything, except subtle or ambiguous clues of interest,  then it’s not happening.   You really need to man up brother and say what it is you want.  There’s nothing more attractive than a man who goes after what he likes.

2.  Be a gentlemen.

As I said in the previous point, I’m old school.  I like men who hold open doors for me, cover the bill when we’re out, and if we’re not in the same city,  make efforts to visit me rather than asking me to come visit them – especially the first time.   If I’m going to be carrying your baby,  I need to know that you can take care of me and I can depend on you.

3.  Show me why you’re my one.

If you’re head over heals over me,  it doesn’t mean I am.  While the fact that we’re “courting” shows that I’m interested in you,  don’t expect me to start writing you poems and tattooing your name on my heart after a week.   I’m flatteted you feel the way you do about me,  but if I don’t feel the same way,  you have to give me time,  and show me why I should feel the same about you too.  There’s nothing more frustrating then a man forcing you to love him at the same level that he loves you.   Love can’t be forced, it’s sown and needs time to grow.  Water it, shine sunlight on it and then expect to reap the rewards, not before.

While it’s true that a picture is worth a thousand words,  actions are what’s needed.  Painting a picture for me of how our marriage will be won’t make me ready to say yes.   You haven’t even bought me a cup of coffee yet and I’m supposed to believe I can depend on you?  You see, while yes – our biology dictates that words work magic for us (women i.e), you’re forgetting we’re not teenagers in the heat of our emotions. I look at your words + ACTIONS.  And actions is capitalized, underlined and in bold face here.  So yes,  please show me rather than tell me.

4. Don’t expect me to emotinally commit to you without a ring on my finger.

I think this is one of the most frustrating things I find with Muslim men today.  They expect you to emotionally commit to them from the second you start talking to them.   They keep asking questions like,  “what will you do for me?”, “what are you willing to sacrifice for me”, etc.  It’s all about me, me, me.  Meanwhile,  they haven’t done anything for you yet except talk on the phone with you.  I’m sorry brother,  but I don’t need to be  at your every beck and call,  your daily cheerleader, stroking your ego,  etc before you’ve even shown any real commitment.  Don’t expect me to play “wifey” or house with you if we ain’t even married – and this includes emotional support.  You want emotional support,  put a ring on it,  or keep moving.

5.  Please work on yourself

Let’s be real here.   You’re interested in me because you like my figure,  how active I am and that I take care of my body.  Meanwhile,  you don’t hit the gym,  don’t do any exercising,  and eat everything and expect to be with a model.  Really bro?   It’s not only men who find fit woman attractive,  but us woman do too – especially guys with six packs ūüėČ. Unless you’re driving a maserati and live in a mansion, I suggest you buy that gym membership and start eating healthy.  Saying things like,  “You’ll be my motivation to start working out and we can do it together when we’re married,” ain’t gonna cut it.  Neither will,  “You’ll be in charge of what I eat at home and pack my lunch,  so I’ll eat healthier then and lose weight in the process.”  Need to see you doing it now to know that you’re about that life.  Besides, I’m interested in marrying the better version of yourself,  not creating it for myself.

So,  when I find a man who:

– Isn’t shy to approach me and make his interest known
– Treats me like the lady I am
– Shows me why he’s the one
– Doesn’t try to take advantage of my kindness while not giving anything but words in return
– Works to improve himself

Then, I’ll get married.   In the meantime,  I’ll continue to be happily single and dodge bullets.

Sincerely yours,

The Hibster

Don’t Hide Your Islam My Muslim Sister

And the turmoil still continues here in North America and around the world, unfortunately. ¬†And like many Muslims, I too say when there’s breaking news, “Please don’t let it be a Muslim. ¬†Please don’t let it be a Muslim.” Sometimes, I struggle between being informed and maintaining my sanity.

12347794_10153897144140572_5147819454704333641_nTo read the news, or not to read the news – that is the question.
Whether tis nobler in the heart and mind, to suffer the slings and arrows of the media,
or to be misinformed and stay in la-la land.

And not just my sanity, my heart aches every time I see a senseless loss of a life. ¬†It doesn’t matter where that person’s from, where they live, what social class they’re from, their religion, their ethnicity – it hurts all the same.

I can stick my head in¬†the sand and pretend it’s not happening and ignore it all, but ultimately, I also want to be informed.

So now we have, yet again, another Muslim backlash after the San Bernardino shooting due to all the media hysteria. ¬†And now, unfortunately, many Muslim women are being told to hide they’re Muslim, put on hoodies, hats, beanies, etc. instead, not to be out alone, not to be out late at night, and not to be out unnecessarily.

Sorry, but that’s bollocks. ¬†It’s enough already that the media and politicians are telling us to denounce the acts of terrorism of people we don’t even know nor relate to, etc. but now Muslims are telling other Muslims how to dress and behave? ¬† This is outrageous. ¬†Why? ¬†Because by telling a Muslim woman to cover her hijab,¬†you’re giving in to fear and hysteria and playing in the hands of bigots.

It’s kind of like non-Muslim Westerners not eating¬†out at restaurants or going to concerts anymore because they’re afraid of possible terrorist attacks.

Or black men either hiding their blackness or just not walking anywhere where police officers are.

Will some Muslim women be targeted? ¬†Yes, it’s the unfortunately reality. ¬†But don’t give in to this fear mongering.

While¬†Muslim women should be told to be vigilant and exercise precautions, please and I say again, please don’t tell Muslim women to cover their hijab out of fear with hats, beanies, hoodies and whatever else.

But instead, tell them to be themselves, the same person they were before all these hate crimes against Muslims were happening. Tell them not to stop living their lives and allow fear to overtake them. Tell them to take pride in their religion, not hide it, and be unapologetically Muslim.

By hiding our¬†Islam, we’re giving into bigots, by letting them take pieces of us. If we¬†do that, then they win. Don’t allow these ignorant¬†people filled with hatred intimidate us¬†and instil fear in our¬†hearts. We should put our trust and faith in God¬†and remember that nothing can harm us¬†unless it was already written to happen.

If anything, we should be better Muslims and reach out to our neighbours and communities. Show them what Islam is. Be a part of our greater community and show them that Islam is not what the media portrays it to be, but truly a religion of justice, tolerance, acceptance and peace. Show them through our actions.

Don’t hide your Islam.

And if you’re experience of being a ‘hijabi’ is like mine, then you know that wearing a hijab is actually one of the best ways to outreach to others. Because yes, they see the hijab as a symbol of Islam and come and ask questions. You might be talking to one person. But that person has a family, they have colleagues, they have friends. This is how to win over people and stop prejudice; through education. Don’t give into fear and be proud of the Muslimah you are.

Stand up tall my sister, and don’t let hate and fear stop you from being you, and wearing your¬†hijab.

 

Hate and Intolerance Has No Place in Canada

wpid-20151116_175511.jpg

Since the Paris attacks last Friday, a mosque in Peterborough was set on fire, and three Muslim women have been attacked here in Toronto on two separate occasions, days apart.

Just as the ISIL terrorists spew hate and terrorize, we have their equivalents doing the same, ironically, in defense of freedom and liberty. ¬†Whenever Islamophobia is rampant, unfortunately, it’s us women who are at the receiving end of hate crimes. ¬†Well, us and Sikh men (sorry Sikh men, but people mistaken your turban as being Muslim. ¬†My sincerest apologies). ¬†Because we are visibly Muslim (those who wear a hijab i.e.), people who want to take their frustrations out on Muslims or Islam take it out on us women. ¬†And it’s almost always men, which I always find mind-boggling – very manly of them indeed.

The first attack was on a mother picking up her child from school who was attacked by two men, who punched her in her stomach, ripped off her headscarf, and stole her phone.  They hurled anti-Islamic and racist slurs at the lady before running off.

The second one happened last night where two women, also wearing hijabs (headscarfs), were verbally assaulted on the subway by three assailants, and one of the Muslim women pushed, before the perpetrators took off when a bystander pulled the emergency alarm.

Both incidents are being investigated and treated as hate crimes, and thankfully, the police are looking for them.

As a Canadian,¬†I can’t begin to imagine how something like this could happen here, especially in Toronto where we are heralded as being one of the most multicultural cities in¬†the World. ¬†I am shocked beyond disbelief as this¬†is very un-Canadian like. ¬†The Peterborough¬†residents who came out to rally around the Muslim community after the attacks on the mosque there, that’s Canadians for you. ¬†These other people attacking innocent women and places of worship has nothing to do with the Canada I love and adore. ¬†We don’t do things like this. ¬†Hate an intolerance is very unCanadian. ¬†But unfortunately, it’s happening, and it’s happening more and more now.

It was only three years ago that I got into a fight with some Islamophobe myself here in Toronto on Canada Day. ¬†I was taking my younger cousins and niece out to watch the fireworks at Woodbine beach, and as we got on the streetcar from Woodbine station, I noticed a cellphone left on one of the seats on the bus. ¬†So I grabbed it and headed up front to give it to the driver while my niece and younger cousins (4 altogether) headed to the back to find seats. ¬†When I returned, my niece told me that the lady sitting two seats in front of us hurled¬†some insults, which I wish not to repeat, at them (mind you, this women was¬†in her mid 30s, my niece and cousins are all under 19 ),¬†while I was gone because of their hijabs. ¬†So I decided not to remain quiet and respond to this lady, who wasn’t at all amused. ¬†How dare I respond?¬† I should just sit there and allow her to insult my family. ¬†She threatened to come to the back to beat me up, and although I haven’t gotten into a fight in a long time and was probably rusty, I told her to bring it (thankfully, my mom put me in karate as a kid so I had something going for me). ¬†She jumped from her seat, leaping obey the people between us and threw¬†a punch at me, which I stopped. ¬†She tried to hit me again, but I held her in place, holding onto her arms. ¬†As people pulled us apart, she continued bad mouthing me. ¬†Afraid that she would get arrested, her male companion¬†ushered her¬†off the next stop. ¬†I had a talk with my niece and cousins after, telling them that they should never allow others to intimidate them, and to always stand up for themselves and others. ¬†I also told them¬†to always be aware of their surroundings. ¬†Here on the bus, there’s cameras, and there’s a bus driver who’s responsible for your safety, so it’s a safe place to stand up for yourself.

Now some of you may say that I should’ve just ignored it, especially since I had children with me. ¬†We’d have to agree to disagree on that, as I feel it’s important to respond and not allow people to intimidate you. ¬†I actually get frustrated when I hear Muslim women being verbally assaulted on the buses etc., and them not responding back. ¬†You don’t have to respond with profanity. ¬†I never do. ¬†But respond, ¬†even if it is, “I’m sorry you feel that way. ¬†Perhaps a little more knowledge and understanding would help you.”

The unfortunate reality is, whenever there is a Muslim backlash, it is us Muslim women who will be targeted. ¬†Like, when Muslim women were being harassed here again in September during Stephen Harper’s niqab scare mongering debates to try to win votes in his failed attempt (thank God) to get re-elected as our prime minister for a third term. ¬†Canadians let him know loud and clear that they weren’t going to let him divide us like that. ¬†And now, after the attacks which shocked Paris and the entire world, we have it happening again.

As I’ve said before, I blame the media for this, as well as the politicians. ¬†You want to increase your rating? ¬†Get more votes? ¬†Target the Muslims. Their great for ratings and getting votes since we are now the “other”. ¬†That’s the perfect political strategy. ¬†You see, before us Muslims, you had the blacks (and still do), the Japanese, the soviets, the Jews, you name it. ¬†There’s always an “other”. ¬†Just look at the movies and tv series over the years. ¬†You’ll see who the others are over time. ¬†Right now,¬†my faith is up front and centre – Yippee.

So, in order to get better ratings, you have the media perpetuating the idea that Islam is behind these terrorist acts, like the CNN anchors, who expect all Muslims to take responsibilities for the attack. ¬†And then you have politicians¬†like “the Donald” saying that mosques should be monitored and that he’d possibly shut them down if he became president. ¬†Funny thing is, whenever school shootings happen, or churches are burned, and people are killed by white Christians, the media never asks white people or Christians to take responsibility for those actions and apologize? ¬†So why is it expected that us Muslims or anyone who is Middle Eastern apologize for the actions of mad men/women who if anything, oppressed and assaulted us by abusing and misusing our religion that we hold dear. ¬†It’s clear that this has nothing to do with Islam. ¬†Read the Qur’an yourself if you want to verify. ¬†And do yourself a favour, stop blindly believing and passively listening to what the media and politicians are telling you to believe.

Due to the recent incidents here, I now have people calling me and telling me not to go out alone, to be careful, not to go on my daily jog¬†in the paths near my home; but I’m sorry, I won’t. ¬†I will not live my life in fear nor let those who are spewing fear and hatred get the better of me. ¬†That’s what these ignorant hate-mongers want. ¬†They’re not any different than the ISIL/ISIS terrorists who were behind the Paris attacks. ¬†Hate is hate, ¬†no matter what your religion, creed, colour, or nationality is. ¬†Maybe I’m being naive, but I don’t want to believe that my fellow Canadians are intolerant and hateful people due to isolated incidents.

This Muslim chic will continue living her life the way she always has – without fear. ¬†She’ll pray not only for Paris, but for Kenya, Iraq, Nigeria, Lebanon, Burma, heck the world. ¬†The entire world needs prayers and¬†healing right now, and we need to stop looking at our differences and go back to our shared humanity. ¬†Better yet, as the Dalai Lama said, let us work for peace and not just pray. ¬†I’ll leave you with some of his most recent statements in an interview with¬†Deutsche Welle:

‚ÄúWe need a systematic approach to foster humanistic values, of oneness and harmony. If we start doing it now, there is hope that this century will be different from the previous one. It is in everybody‚Äôs interest. So let us work for peace within our families and society, and not expect help from God, Buddha or the governments.‚ÄĚ

 

Furthermore, the problems that we are facing today are the result of superficial differences over religious faiths and nationalities.We are one people.‚ÄĚ ¬†Dalai Lama

 

________________

On Fridays (this is the ‘holy’ day for Muslims), I’ll be¬†putting my Muslim hat on and posting posts dealing with the realities I’m facing as a Muslim. ¬†This is the first of many to come. ūüôā

I’m Sexy and I know it – Burkini Version

When I walk on by, all the guys wonderin’ if I be fly,
I walk to my beat, strolling on the street in my buriqini, yeah
This is how I roll, floral print, hijab outta control,
It’s the girl with the smooth flow,
And like Mary ‚Äď yeah – I got the glow.saqueena

Ah, can’t look at my body
Ah, can’t look at my body
Ah, can’t look at my body,
Ya I work out!

When I hit the spot, this is what I see (ok)
Everybody stops and they staring at me,
I got passion under my material and I ain’t gonna show it, show it, show it
I’m sexy and I know it

Yeah,
When I’m at the pool, I don’t care nor bother to make grown men drool,
When I’m at the beach, all the girls be looking at me like I’m a freak, (what)
This is how I roll, come on ladies it’s time to go
We headed to the shop, girl don’t be nervous,
More material, less skin ‚Äď get the respect you deserve (watch)

Ah.. Girl respect that body
Ah, Girl respect that body
Ah, Girl respect that body
Ah, and work out! ūüėČ