About The Hibster

A single globetrotting TCK Muslim woman with multiple lens and a macbook...

Dear Muslim Men, 

 

Dear Muslim Men,

You keep asking me why I’m not married yet.  The truth is,  there are a plethora of reasons.   What it really comes down to though is the men I meet behave more like boys than they do men.   So what can you do to win my heart?   Here are a couple of things:

1. Chase me.

Yes,  you heard me right.  I don’t approach men, I am approaced.  You see, I’m old school like that. So if you’re expecting me to come to you,  it’s not going to happen.  Befriending me is only going to get you in my friend zone.   And if you don’t step up and say anything, except subtle or ambiguous clues of interest,  then it’s not happening.   You really need to man up brother and say what it is you want.  There’s nothing more attractive than a man who goes after what he likes.

2.  Be a gentlemen.

As I said in the previous point, I’m old school.  I like men who hold open doors for me, cover the bill when we’re out, and if we’re not in the same city,  make efforts to visit me rather than asking me to come visit them – especially the first time.   If I’m going to be carrying your baby,  I need to know that you can take care of me and I can depend on you.

3.  Show me why you’re my one.

If you’re head over heals over me,  it doesn’t mean I am.  While the fact that we’re “courting” shows that I’m interested in you,  don’t expect me to start writing you poems and tattooing your name on my heart after a week.   I’m flatteted you feel the way you do about me,  but if I don’t feel the same way,  you have to give me time,  and show me why I should feel the same about you too.  There’s nothing more frustrating then a man forcing you to love him at the same level that he loves you.   Love can’t be forced, it’s sown and needs time to grow.  Water it, shine sunlight on it and then expect to reap the rewards, not before.

While it’s true that a picture is worth a thousand words,  actions are what’s needed.  Painting a picture for me of how our marriage will be won’t make me ready to say yes.   You haven’t even bought me a cup of coffee yet and I’m supposed to believe I can depend on you?  You see, while yes – our biology dictates that words work magic for us (women i.e), you’re forgetting we’re not teenagers in the heat of our emotions. I look at your words + ACTIONS.  And actions is capitalized, underlined and in bold face here.  So yes,  please show me rather than tell me.

4. Don’t expect me to emotinally commit to you without a ring on my finger.

I think this is one of the most frustrating things I find with Muslim men today.  They expect you to emotionally commit to them from the second you start talking to them.   They keep asking questions like,  “what will you do for me?”, “what are you willing to sacrifice for me”, etc.  It’s all about me, me, me.  Meanwhile,  they haven’t done anything for you yet except talk on the phone with you.  I’m sorry brother,  but I don’t need to be  at your every beck and call,  your daily cheerleader, stroking your ego,  etc before you’ve even shown any real commitment.  Don’t expect me to play “wifey” or house with you if we ain’t even married – and this includes emotional support.  You want emotional support,  put a ring on it,  or keep moving.

5.  Please work on yourself

Let’s be real here.   You’re interested in me because you like my figure,  how active I am and that I take care of my body.  Meanwhile,  you don’t hit the gym,  don’t do any exercising,  and eat everything and expect to be with a model.  Really bro?   It’s not only men who find fit woman attractive,  but us woman do too – especially guys with six packs 😉. Unless you’re driving a maserati and live in a mansion, I suggest you buy that gym membership and start eating healthy.  Saying things like,  “You’ll be my motivation to start working out and we can do it together when we’re married,” ain’t gonna cut it.  Neither will,  “You’ll be in charge of what I eat at home and pack my lunch,  so I’ll eat healthier then and lose weight in the process.”  Need to see you doing it now to know that you’re about that life.  Besides, I’m interested in marrying the better version of yourself,  not creating it for myself.

So,  when I find a man who:

– Isn’t shy to approach me and make his interest known
– Treats me like the lady I am
– Shows me why he’s the one
– Doesn’t try to take advantage of my kindness while not giving anything but words in return
– Works to improve himself

Then, I’ll get married.   In the meantime,  I’ll continue to be happily single and dodge bullets.

Sincerely yours,

The Hibster

Advertisements

Pain

I’m no stranger to pain, albeit I wish I was,

But somehow, some people seem to think I am,

I don’t know if it’s the smile on my face that confuses them,
Or the general positive nature of my disposition and spirit,

But the reality is,  we all experience pain,
Every.  Single.  One of Us. Not one of us immune.

It’s a rite of passage in life really, and
Without it, we wouldn’t appreciate comfort or good health.

Pain can be sharp and overbearing, however
We decide if we will allow it to take over our spirit.

We can either dwell on our pain and allow our minds to suffer with it,  or we can train our minds to overcome it.

As a wise person once said,
“Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.”

She Lived

I was once asked by a psychotherapist what I want to be written in my obituary.   The question threw me off guard.  I didn’t really know what to say to be honest.   It’s not because I didn’t know what I wanted out of life,  but because my life isn’t predictable in that way.   I honestly can say I don’t know where I’ll be next week,  or next month,  let alone a year from now.  The best way to explain my life is a bunch of blanks that time seems to fill in in whatever shape or form.

While some people have linear lives, my life looks more like  one of those doodles preschoolers  draw.   It’s  colorful, fun, inexplainable,  and mindboggling all at the same time.   And to me,  it’s just perfect.

I answered the question with how I projected my life would be as a young adult,  loving wife,  mother,  published author,  successful in whatever career I settled on, etc.

What I wish I would have said though is the following:

I want my obituary to be two words: She LIVED.  And when I die, those who knew me will read it with a smile and a tear in their eyes,  because they know how I lived and know it to be the truth.

My Travels – Vietnam Part 1

11149827_10155481273210646_2544313612526965002_o

Vietnamese women chilling at park near the Ho Chi Minh post office

So, the fourth country I found myself in 2015 was Vietnam.  Now, getting into Vietnam was quite interesting.  Apparently, as a Canadian, you need to get a Vietnamese visa before entering Vietnam.  Luckily, on my second day in Cambodia, some fellow travellers gave me the heads-up and I was able to apply for a last minute visa with a travel agency when I was in Siem Reap, Cambodia.  It cost $60 and I got my passport back with a Vietnamese visa within 24 hours – not bad.

Now, from Siem Reap, there are different options to get to Vietnam, usually to fly in or take a bus.  Since I decided to travel without an itinerary  this time around and go with the flow, I didn’t book anything in advance.  So last minute, here I was trying to catch a flight into Hanoi, Vietnam via one of the cheap airliners – but of course, they were all booked the day I had to travel, leaving me no other option but to travel overland to Ho Chi Minh, Vietnam by coach.  For a VIP ticket (meaning you get onto a sleeper  bus with your own comfortable bed), it cost $24.   While it was a sleeper bus, it wasn’t the bus I was sold.  I arrive to the coach station at 12 am only to find out that I’ve been jipped by the travel agent.  So, apparently, I’m supposed to share this 5-foot-nothing bed that’s 1 meter wide with this American guy from Miami (Nick) who I just met who’s like 6’3 for the next 8 hours.  We’d literally be spooning – that’s how much space there was and there was no partition like the other one I was on. Thankfully though, I had a chit chat with the bus driver and was able to secure my own sleeper bed/unit on the bus, much to Nick’s  appreciation too cause he got his own space too now. We ended up chatting the entire time and became travel buddies for the journey.  But yeah, we need our own space!

Once we made it to Phnom Penh, Cambodia, they got us on another bus to continue our journey to cross into Vietnam.  Of course, this one wasn’t a sleeper bus, but by now, all I wanted was just to get to Ho Chi Minh (Saigon).   I had an aisle seat next to Nick, which was cool, but then all of a sudden the bus stops yet again and they pick up this old man and put one of those plastic outdoor chairs in the aisle and had him sit next to me. Dude stank for one, and was watching porn on his phone the whole time. Who does that??? Nine hours of torture ensued – the things you come across in life. lol On a more positive note, in one of the many pit stops, while I was sitting with the few foreigners (Canadian, Brits and Americans), a lady came and gave me a bowl of tom yam soup. It ended up being from a Muslim family who was also on the bus with us.  Some great Muslim hospitality there!

To make a long story short, what was supposed to be a 14 hour bus journey in a VIP sleeper bus ended up being a 19 hour journey on a normal bus which had no wifi, kept on stopping and picking up people from everywhere and didn’t even drop us off at the bus station like it was supposed to (which was near the guesthouse I booked), so we had to walk 3 miles to get to my guest house.

I was so relieved to get to the guest house, but now, my day was pretty much done since I lost 6 hours from the traveling delays.  First things first, I booked my flight from Saigon to Hanoi for the following night.  Then, I went out to go get something to eat (pho, of course) and explore the city a bit, before returning to the guest house, taking a shower, and crashing on my bed for the night.

When I awoke in the morning, I had to remember where I was.  Once I caught my bearings, I got dressed, and headed downstairs for breakfast.  Fortunately, I met this amazing Vietnamese girl while having breakfast who was visiting from Hanoi for her first time. I mentioned that I wanted to go on a vespa tour and explore the city, and she wanted to do the same, so we linked up.  She offered to rent the vespa, but when she tried, they wouldn’t rent it out to a Vietnamese citizen (ridiculous) so I had to deposit my passport.

The great thing about going with my new found friend for the day – Vu Thi – was that I didn’t have to make any plans or read any pamphlets to find out what to do.  More importantly, I didn’t have to de trying to ride one in the traffic there. I just sat on the back of the vespa and let her become my tour guide to Saigon.  We hung out together the entire day, until it was time for me to catch my flight of course, and explored the city together. Renting that vespa and going with Vu Chi was the best decision ever – got to see and do so much in my brief visit!  It also made up for my previous day which was consumed by traveling, misinformation and getting ripped off. 😛

 

In Saigon, Vu Chi and I went to the Ho Chi Minh Museum, the old presidential Palace, checked out Saigon Central Post Office (a post office built in typical French colonial style) in downtown Ho Chi Minh City, near Saigon Notre-Dame Basilica, the city’s cathedral, where we sat down to enjoy a cup of Vietnamese coffee.  We later went and rode around downtown, visited the Ben Tenh Market (old central market) and the famous street which I can’t remember the name of for higher end designer shopping, and ended off our day eating dinner at a recommended restaurant (sorry, can’t remember the name.

Got to say, for a city that wasn’t on my original itinerary, I had an incredible time in Saigon!

Farewell Saigon, and Hello Hanoi!

So, I caught the last flight out of Saigon to Hanoi, reaching Hanoi just before 1 am.  There weren’t any buses running now (of course), which was a bummer because it would only cost me 25 cents to get to the Old Quarters .  Instead, we had to line up for non existent taxis.  Since I was travelling on my own and was trying to think of safety as well as save a few bucks, I started to ask people in the line if they’d be willing to share a taxi with me.  The first person I asked was traveling with three of her friends, so the taxi would be full.  The couple in front of me heard and offered to share with me, which was great.

Once we reached the hotel they were staying at in the Old Quarter, I got off as well, since I hadn’t booked a place for the night.  So here I was at 2am roaming the empty night streets alone, looking for last minute accommodations. Everywhere was closed.  But thankfully, most of the hotels and hostels kept their doors unlocked but the receptionists were sound asleep.  Finally found one after an hour and for a steal. 

To be continued… sometime… hopefully in the near future.

 

Don’t Hide Your Islam My Muslim Sister

And the turmoil still continues here in North America and around the world, unfortunately.  And like many Muslims, I too say when there’s breaking news, “Please don’t let it be a Muslim.  Please don’t let it be a Muslim.” Sometimes, I struggle between being informed and maintaining my sanity.

12347794_10153897144140572_5147819454704333641_nTo read the news, or not to read the news – that is the question.
Whether tis nobler in the heart and mind, to suffer the slings and arrows of the media,
or to be misinformed and stay in la-la land.

And not just my sanity, my heart aches every time I see a senseless loss of a life.  It doesn’t matter where that person’s from, where they live, what social class they’re from, their religion, their ethnicity – it hurts all the same.

I can stick my head in the sand and pretend it’s not happening and ignore it all, but ultimately, I also want to be informed.

So now we have, yet again, another Muslim backlash after the San Bernardino shooting due to all the media hysteria.  And now, unfortunately, many Muslim women are being told to hide they’re Muslim, put on hoodies, hats, beanies, etc. instead, not to be out alone, not to be out late at night, and not to be out unnecessarily.

Sorry, but that’s bollocks.  It’s enough already that the media and politicians are telling us to denounce the acts of terrorism of people we don’t even know nor relate to, etc. but now Muslims are telling other Muslims how to dress and behave?   This is outrageous.  Why?  Because by telling a Muslim woman to cover her hijab, you’re giving in to fear and hysteria and playing in the hands of bigots.

It’s kind of like non-Muslim Westerners not eating out at restaurants or going to concerts anymore because they’re afraid of possible terrorist attacks.

Or black men either hiding their blackness or just not walking anywhere where police officers are.

Will some Muslim women be targeted?  Yes, it’s the unfortunately reality.  But don’t give in to this fear mongering.

While Muslim women should be told to be vigilant and exercise precautions, please and I say again, please don’t tell Muslim women to cover their hijab out of fear with hats, beanies, hoodies and whatever else.

But instead, tell them to be themselves, the same person they were before all these hate crimes against Muslims were happening. Tell them not to stop living their lives and allow fear to overtake them. Tell them to take pride in their religion, not hide it, and be unapologetically Muslim.

By hiding our Islam, we’re giving into bigots, by letting them take pieces of us. If we do that, then they win. Don’t allow these ignorant people filled with hatred intimidate us and instil fear in our hearts. We should put our trust and faith in God and remember that nothing can harm us unless it was already written to happen.

If anything, we should be better Muslims and reach out to our neighbours and communities. Show them what Islam is. Be a part of our greater community and show them that Islam is not what the media portrays it to be, but truly a religion of justice, tolerance, acceptance and peace. Show them through our actions.

Don’t hide your Islam.

And if you’re experience of being a ‘hijabi’ is like mine, then you know that wearing a hijab is actually one of the best ways to outreach to others. Because yes, they see the hijab as a symbol of Islam and come and ask questions. You might be talking to one person. But that person has a family, they have colleagues, they have friends. This is how to win over people and stop prejudice; through education. Don’t give into fear and be proud of the Muslimah you are.

Stand up tall my sister, and don’t let hate and fear stop you from being you, and wearing your hijab.

 

My Travels – Singapore, Malaysia and Cambodia

So in 2015 alone, my tush has been in 10 different countries. Funny thing is, every year, I think I’m only going to be in one or maybe two. Life just keeps on surprising me indeed! There’s no point in planning in my case, I just need to go with the flow.

In this post, I’ll post about the first three countries I was in this year, and continue in other posts.  Part 2 I’ll post on Monday, December 7, and Part 3 on Tuesday, December 8.

1. Singapore:

10818283_10155088315455646_2329088070445085057_o.jpgSo, 2015 began for me at the border between Malaysia and Singapore, where my friends and I rang in the New Year as we were crossing over into Singapore, admiring the firework display from the bus. It was my second time in Singapore, so this time, I tried to do things I didn’t do the last time.

10011815_10155032873590646_8953903166423369577_o

Buddha Tooth Relic Temple

The first time I was here in 2010, my friend and I went to Sentosa Island, Universal Studios, the botanical garden – a must see by the way, and then the rest of the time, we hung out eating and shopping. We had high tea at Raffles Hotel, had dinner mostly at Clarke Quay, and window shopped at Orchard Road.

 

Sounds very not Asian, right? That’s because Singapore, while it’s in Asia, is one of the financial capitals of Asia so it has a booming economy, which is evident in the country. It’s actually considered an English speaking country – a fact I learned when I was there. Most people think Singapore is only a city of skyscrapers, but there’s more to Singapore than that. If you get out of the financial district area, you’ll start seeing more ‘authentic Asia’ so to speak (or what we foreigners would presume to be “Asian”.

My trip, this time around, was more of a cultural trip, which was great. We walked through Chinatown with it’s old Singaporean architecture houses, Little India with it’s aroma of exotic spices and burning incents, and checked out Haji Lane where the Central Mosque (I always like visiting the Central Mosque everywhere I travel) is… and then once we did that, we spent the rest of our days there shopping and stuffing our faces. Of course, we hung out at Marina Bay and had a bite at Clarke Quay and Riverside.

2. Malaysia:

Ahh, Malaysia. So I lived and worked in Malaysia until mid March, when my contract ended. And while I was working there, I had the opportunity to visit 9 of the 13 states there. Malaysia is such a lovely country indeed. From the white sandy beaches, the jungles, the waterfalls, the animals, the people, the cultures, the food, and the colours – you can’t possibly get enough. I was happy to call it home the 9 months I lived there.

 

One of the most memorable experiences I had in Malaysia was when I was in Borneo, Sabah to be more exact, and my friend and I went on this sunset river cruise. We began our afternoon with high tea, followed by seeing proboscis monkeys in the jungle, and then dinner… and ended off the evening being mesmerized by millions of fireflies lighting up the night sky. Time just stood still. They were everywhere, and from time to time, we’d even catch them with our hands. I could stay there for hours on end.

10842178_10154980893810646_5117559523868626675_o

A cheeky macaque

And the monkeys in Malaysia, they’re everywhere – literally. Macaques, baboons, you name it. You’ll be jungle trekking and whoomp there it is. If you’re not careful, they’ll attack you. My friend Gloria and I were nearly jumped at Telaga Tujuh Waterfall in Langkawi by a pack of macaques. As cute as they are, when they want something, watch out! The Crips and the Bloods have noting on them.

 

What is there to do in Malaysia? Plenty. If you love adventure, nature, learning about different cultures, water activities – then this place is definitely for you. I urge you though, if you aren’t already, try to get PADI certified so that you can go scuba diving there. Worse case scenario, it’s also a snorkeling heaven!

Well, there’s much I can say about Malaysia, but I’ll stop it here and reserve that for a post on it’s own.

3. Cambodia:

Now this was an interesting trip. For the first time ever, I decided to just buy a plane ticket and just go without making any prior plans. The only thing I did was book a place to stay for the first night. Another first is how light I traveled. For the first time, I traveled with my bag only weighing 5 KG. And this trip would last for a little over 2 weeks. And a third first – I’d be staying in hostels. My friends always make fun of me and call me the three star or more traveller as I would only stay in a hotel with a minimum of three stars when I travelled (Except if it’s like an ecolodge or cabin, etc). But living in Malaysia, I’ve learned to let my standards down a bit and realized that hostels aren’t that bad after all. In fact, some where even better than the hotels I’ve stayed at!!!

Alright, now back to Cambodia. So yes, one of the things I’ve learned was that there was Genocide in Cambodia in the 70s. I never heard about it until I landed in Phnom Penh and was looking at what there was to do in the city. My goodness, it was truly a heart wrenching experience when my newly found hostel friends and I went to the prison where many Cambodians were being tortured, and then later to the killing fields where many of them lost their lives to the brutal Khmer Rouge Party. Phnom Penh was a somber visit. Outside of that, they have a lovely riverside where we walked and stopped by a couple of places along the way, visiting the Buddhist Temple and the Royal Palace – admiring their architecture, and the Central Market.

 

After two days of being in Phnom Penh, I caught the night bus and made my way to Siem Reap to go visit the ruins of Angkor. A piece of advice to those planning to go there: If you want to only go for a day (they have 1 and 3 day passes), the best way to do it is to go just before sunset (around 5 pm) when the temples are about to close to buy a ticket for the following day. They let you enter to watch the sunset. So this way, you get both the sunrise view and sunset view of Angkor Wat. ☺

So of course, I spent two days visiting the Temples of Angkor with the same friends I met in Phnom Penh as well as another one we picked up at the hostel in Siem Reap. Walking around the different temples, you just can’t help but admire the craftsmanship. It’s truly remarkable how they were able to build that in the 12th century. The temples are quite impressive as are the carvings.

I also visited the Muslim village there in Siem Reap. While the majority of Cambodians are Buddhist, there are about 250 Muslim families living in Siem Reap, most in that area. It was nice to be able to find Halal food and be greeted with the familiar, “Assalaamu `alaikum”.

What else is there to do? They have amazing markets there that you cannot miss, including the night market. Great food, and perfect for buying all those touristy stuff you’re friends and family will love.  And, they’re cheap!

 

34 and Never Been Kissed

wedding-rings

So I’m 34, still single, and a virgin. Yep, contrary to popular belief, those of us still exist – I owe it to my faith and my human biology background (well, the virginity part i.e.). I’m sure you’ve heard that in Islam, we’re not allowed to engage in pre-marital sex before marriage. I take that to heart. Moreover, I’ve studied the effects of different hormones on our bodies and mind from sexual intercourse, and thus, don’t want to offer the cookie, so to speak, unless he’s the right one, which I’m on the look-out for.  Besides, I’ve seen way too many heart-aches to want to intentionally put myself through it.  I’m not ready to start writing poems about it either. 😉

This year, I’ve had better prospects when it comes to love and marriage. (And no, I don’t do that whole arranged marriage thing.  That’s not even from Islam, it’s more of a cultural thing – the subcontinent to be more specific.)  I’m meeting better guys (thankfully), however, I still haven’t met the one that I’m willing to sacrifice the rest of my life and happiness for.

While they teach you that marriage is happily ever after, it’s truly not. It’s a roller coaster ride where half the time you’re preventing yourself from killing this other person whom you somehow once loved, and trying to remember why it was you loved them in the first place. So, if I’m going to put myself through that, then he’d better be the right one. While marriage has it’s challenges, it’s also equally as amazing, wonderful and rewarding too, making that sacrifice worth it. As with anything in life, it has its pros and cons.

Getting married is easy. It’s the staying married part that worries me, especially in our society today where most people carry divorce in their back pocket. People no longer try to fix a relationship. And with Muslims, marriage has become synonymous with having sex. If you want to have sex, get married. While it is one of the perks, marriage is more than sex. Many divorces have happened because couples realized they really weren’t a good match and were merely driven by their hormones. Generally though, many people jump right into marriage blindly to begin with, not really realizing what they’re signing up for.

I guess for some people, it’s just one of those stages of life you’re supposed to go through. You go to school, you go to college, you get a job, and you get married and have children. So, they end up getting married to the first person they fall in love with and figure that love is enough to maintain a relationship. If it’s love as in the verb where you’re constantly working on it, then yes. But if it’s love as in the abstract noun and infatuation, then you’re going to need a little more than that to sustain a relationship in the long run. Many, unfortunately, had to learn this the hard way.

And then of course, you have that pressure from others who expect you to have that box ticked by a certain age or stage in your life. When are you getting married? You can’t keep saying no. You’re clock is ticking. If you want to have kids, you better get on that soon. And even worse, you’ll get these: Don’t worry about finding the one. Just get married. If it doesn’t work out, at least you have a child out of it and you can raise him/her on your own. It’s no biggy. It’s kinda the norm now. And sadly, it’s not only older women who are saying this, but younger ones too.  So, the whole purpose of getting married, apparently, is to have a kid? Not to have a life partner, nor to love and be loved and share your life with someone you consider not only to be your lover, but friend too.

While I love kids and would love to have them, I’d rather raise my kids with a loving husband, who will be there till death does us part (and no, I don’t plan on killing him ;)). I won’t rush into marriage just because my clock is ticking and I want to have children. I believe that every child deserves to be raised by a mother and father and it’s healthy for them to see their parents modeling how to be a mother and father, and wide and husband. I want to marry a man who I’d want my son to grow up just to be like, and my daughter wanting to be married to a man just like her father – setting her standards as high as they should.

Now, because I’ve had many prospects, people assume that I’m just picky. But that’s far from the truth. Every time I sit with someone and go over my mental list (I’ve never written it down), they agree that I’m not asking for too much.

And no, I’m not a gold-digger nor high maintenance.  A man with good character who is kind, generous, educated, puts in effort and chooses to put me as a priority trumps a man with fancy cars, loads of money who pampers me with gifts but doesn’t have character and puts himself first. Well, while I’m at this, I’d also like him to have a fun-loving personality, a good sense of humour, to be athletic/active, family-oriented, and intelligent – yes, I’m a saposexual. Feed my brain and my heart, and I’m sold!

Then, once I’ve established that I’m not picky, I get the… but men are intimidated by you. Look at all the places you’ve been to. Where you’ve lived. What you’ve accomplished in life. To that, I’d have to say, boys are intimidated, but not men. Moreover, it’s also those who come from a different paradigm than me.

While I travel a lot, I’m not rich. For the love of God, I don’t even have a car or house. Women who travel, believe it or not, are actually less materialistic than women who don’t.

While I’ve always been a strong woman, due to my life circumstances, I’m actually not as intimidating when people do get to know me (outside of all the boxes they decide to put me in). Because of my job and where I’ve lived, they assume I was this STRONG BLACK WOMAN, until they speak to me and realize I’m this big kid in a woman’s body – lol – not but seriously, I am.  The Toys R Us commercial jingle was made for me – I never grow up.  Unfortunately, if you’re a single woman and successful (and black in my case), you’re automatically put in the STRONG BLACK WOMAN or the “she’s definitely out of my league” box, shooting themselves in the foot before even trying – smh.

Thankfully, I know who I am, and what I want in life. I won’t rush into marriage, nor settle, just to be married and have kids. Yes, I want to love and be loved, but that’ll just have to wait until I find my Mr. Good-enough. I know he’s out there somewhere; our paths just haven’t crossed yet.  Or as one of my good friend joked, “he’s busy trying to figure out which countries you haven’t been to.” 😉

Marriage to me is a serious commitment, one were both parities have to equally invest in. And, until I find that person who is willing to put me first (as I would him), and puts his words into action, then I’ll continue my life as a happily single woman who lives life.

And to all those 30ish single women who have yet to find their one, don’t rush and give into fear. You’ll find him; he’s out there somewhere looking for you. In the meantime, live your life, follow your dreams, and do anything and everything you wouldn’t be able to do once you get married, settle down and have kids. That’s why I travel a lot. ☺