Dear Muslim Men,
You keep asking me why I’m not married yet. The truth is, there are a plethora of reasons. What it really comes down to though is the men I meet behave more like boys than they do men. So what can you do to win my heart? Here are a couple of things:
1. Chase me.
Yes, you heard me right. I don’t approach men, I am approaced. You see, I’m old school like that. So if you’re expecting me to come to you, it’s not going to happen. Befriending me is only going to get you in my friend zone. And if you don’t step up and say anything, except subtle or ambiguous clues of interest, then it’s not happening. You really need to man up brother and say what it is you want. There’s nothing more attractive than a man who goes after what he likes.
2. Be a gentlemen.
As I said in the previous point, I’m old school. I like men who hold open doors for me, cover the bill when we’re out, and if we’re not in the same city, make efforts to visit me rather than asking me to come visit them – especially the first time. If I’m going to be carrying your baby, I need to know that you can take care of me and I can depend on you.
3. Show me why you’re my one.
If you’re head over heals over me, it doesn’t mean I am. While the fact that we’re “courting” shows that I’m interested in you, don’t expect me to start writing you poems and tattooing your name on my heart after a week. I’m flatteted you feel the way you do about me, but if I don’t feel the same way, you have to give me time, and show me why I should feel the same about you too. There’s nothing more frustrating then a man forcing you to love him at the same level that he loves you. Love can’t be forced, it’s sown and needs time to grow. Water it, shine sunlight on it and then expect to reap the rewards, not before.
While it’s true that a picture is worth a thousand words, actions are what’s needed. Painting a picture for me of how our marriage will be won’t make me ready to say yes. You haven’t even bought me a cup of coffee yet and I’m supposed to believe I can depend on you? You see, while yes – our biology dictates that words work magic for us (women i.e), you’re forgetting we’re not teenagers in the heat of our emotions. I look at your words + ACTIONS. And actions is capitalized, underlined and in bold face here. So yes, please show me rather than tell me.
4. Don’t expect me to emotinally commit to you without a ring on my finger.
I think this is one of the most frustrating things I find with Muslim men today. They expect you to emotionally commit to them from the second you start talking to them. They keep asking questions like, “what will you do for me?”, “what are you willing to sacrifice for me”, etc. It’s all about me, me, me. Meanwhile, they haven’t done anything for you yet except talk on the phone with you. I’m sorry brother, but I don’t need to be at your every beck and call, your daily cheerleader, stroking your ego, etc before you’ve even shown any real commitment. Don’t expect me to play “wifey” or house with you if we ain’t even married – and this includes emotional support. You want emotional support, put a ring on it, or keep moving.
5. Please work on yourself
Let’s be real here. You’re interested in me because you like my figure, how active I am and that I take care of my body. Meanwhile, you don’t hit the gym, don’t do any exercising, and eat everything and expect to be with a model. Really bro? It’s not only men who find fit woman attractive, but us woman do too – especially guys with six packs 😉. Unless you’re driving a maserati and live in a mansion, I suggest you buy that gym membership and start eating healthy. Saying things like, “You’ll be my motivation to start working out and we can do it together when we’re married,” ain’t gonna cut it. Neither will, “You’ll be in charge of what I eat at home and pack my lunch, so I’ll eat healthier then and lose weight in the process.” Need to see you doing it now to know that you’re about that life. Besides, I’m interested in marrying the better version of yourself, not creating it for myself.
So, when I find a man who:
– Isn’t shy to approach me and make his interest known
– Treats me like the lady I am
– Shows me why he’s the one
– Doesn’t try to take advantage of my kindness while not giving anything but words in return
– Works to improve himself
Then, I’ll get married. In the meantime, I’ll continue to be happily single and dodge bullets.